What can i say........this is just for fun
CLICK ON PHOTO TO MAKE LARGER
 No need to say more
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown
My Mom passed on last Sept, so this mothers day
will be a quiet one for me. The one thing I did that made her very happy, was on my birthday I would call here and wish her a happy mother's day......That gave her two big days a year :}
Below is something to put a a smile on your face.
WHY GOD MADE MOMSAll answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions :
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd GET rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Happy Mother's day
Who do you want taking your call at 3 AM
 This is a Photoshoped photo, but a good one
for April fools day
:}
April Fool's Day
Photo
Shit, guess what i saw, and it wasn't trees.
I guess someone thought to put a new prospective on
the fighting liberals.
I got all of them, but the 3rd from the left?
Would of been cute to see the big M in the dance
 A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'Confused, the father asked what was wrong.The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.'
 : Carnation Milk
A little old lady from New-Brunswick had worked in
family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk,
with hours of hard
work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in
grocery stores in
approximately the 1940's, she read an
advertisement
offering $5,000 for the best slogan.
The producers wanted a rhyme
beginning with
'Carnation Milk is best of all....
'
She thought to herself, I know all about milk
and dairy farms... I can do
this!
She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a
black limo
drove up in front of her house, a man got out and said,
'Carnation LOVED
your entry so much we are here to
award you $5000, even though we will not be
able to use it...'
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Woman's
Visit to Public Restroom
I hope this gives ya a good laugh!
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women,
so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check
for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The
dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt)
is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there
was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around
your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!),
yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd
love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or
lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover
to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your
mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would
have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one
that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now,
you have to hold up tryin g not to strangle yourself at the same time). That
would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still
smaller than your thumbnail .
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits
your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and
you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of
course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare
bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was
any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be
utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bot tom never
touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW
what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused
that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the
inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt
and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks
everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper
dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet
toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found
in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the
line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very
end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.
(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe,
plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need
this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left
the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is
your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms
(rest??? You've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what
really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked
questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other
gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the
door!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!! | | |
 1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.
2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
4. Tell them it is breakfast/lunch/dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.
6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder...louder...louder!
7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.
8. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............"
9. Cry out in surprise, "Hey buddy, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not your buddy, tell them to stop joking.
10. Tell the A1 call center guy to call on your office number. - and give him the A2 call center number.
 A picture is worth a thoudsnd words. Gov. Eliot Spitzer and wife
I would say the pay was not worth the play. IMO his ego matched that of a god but found out how mortal he was.....His wife is and kids will suffer the most, and he will continue to polish his ego.
Eliot Spitzer can go to the streets now, and my best wishes are for Silda and her kids.
Spitizer i have no forgiveness for you in doing what you did to you wife and daughters....
How do you know when your relationship is over? Can you tell the signs of a bad relationships? You have tried, cried, begged, and went to therapy as a couple, but still nothing changed. You get irritated easily just by the sight of the person. You secret wished that your other half disappeared somewhere. Sinful thoughts, yes, but when you are miserable, your mind can sum up many furtive ideas. Here are five signs that your relationship is over. You just can't stand the sight of him/her The sound of his car pulling up on the driveway makes your heart drop. You feel heavy in your thought, and you secretly hope that he/she doesn't open the door and comes in. Abusive in all forms When you are told to “be happy where your husband/wife is happy”, then it is abused, or “this is my house, you don't bring in the money”. That is a form of mental and emotional abuses. Disrespectful and Distrust If you look at the person with disgust, and it is just irritating you when he/she talks. You hear the provoking tone of questions such as “are you sure about that?” or “is that so?” These are doubts, and a sign of distrust. No willingness to work on the big issues You just cannot see the future with your partner in any circumstances. You and your partner seem reluctant to work on the big issues. You can't find a middle ground. You can't find any compromises on either part. You can't recall any good memories You can't remember any good times, or good things about your partner. Resentments had build up over the years that your mind is flooded with bad memories. You repeat the same bad cycles when you are around each other. You realize that you are not the best person you want to be.
This is five best possible signs that tell the relationship is over. No matter how much you try or willing to go on, you will find yourself exhausted and depressed. Then one day, the moment comes, when nothing else mater, and you will just throw in the towel. You will dare the world to stop you. You care for no one's advice or opinion. My moment came when I found myself at the bottom of the well, but that still didn't stop me. I have no job, I have no savings, I have three kids, and I have no home. Fear was no longer a factor. I was ready to shake off the dust that covered my life. I needed to shed my skin to be reborn again. Now, when someone asks “how do you know when”, I give my five reasons above and said: “you just know!”
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum." Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
 ![]() 20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.
19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.
18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.
17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with
you once in a while.
16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.
15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing,
you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you
become famous.
14 - Your Fis1hing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished
with long ago.
13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.
12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to
feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't
object if you Fish with someone else.
10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish
by yourself.
9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if
they are really an undercover cop.
8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood
to buy Fishing stuff.
7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office,
tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without
getting sued for harassment.
6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to
subscribe to the Playboy channel.
4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest
of your life.
3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses
interest in it.
2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to
enjoy your favorite activity.
1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just
Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?" source: http://www.azinet.com 
 The Banana Test
There is a very, very tall
coconut tree and there are 4 animals,
a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a
Squirrel, who pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to
get a banana off
the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your
personality.
So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30
seconds
Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis.
If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly
stupid.
A
COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some
time off and
relax!
These are dreams i have
And I wank up thinking of sex ????
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all! ! If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch!
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